girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
