i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
