this boner is exhausting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
