I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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