I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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