will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
