Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you win again, gameday.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
