we're chasing vodka with high fives
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she peed on how many people?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
