Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
