Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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