We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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