sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
