We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
