why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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