no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
pray to the hookup gods
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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