he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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