I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
