This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she peed on how many people?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
