do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
