I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
organizing the empties. That sober.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
