my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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