Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
