It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
