i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just pee around me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
