Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A+ Viking dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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