so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
