i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
