I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
