If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
