i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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