I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
