I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had sex on a roof
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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