what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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