Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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