His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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