They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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