the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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