I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
