Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
