I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
