Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
