Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
