Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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