I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
