There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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