I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
