The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
