this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My ass is underappreciated
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
