Plan B is the new Plan A
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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