Do you still have your period?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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